I'm not sure. I could try and find some definition for it. I could try and think of something that makes sense to me but I doubt I'd find something that would jive the right way.
I'm pretty sure that sums up the problem. It's a circular problem that rolls around in my head and every once and again, I'll try and solve it.
But that's the thing to life: you're not going to solve everything. Everything ends on a long enough time line, even existence itself some could argue or doesn't a tree make noise when it falls?
Maybe that's the crux of this equation. Everything ends, so what's the point of anything at all? Whether its one small step to the bathroom or one giant leap for mankind, where does it matter?
I won't find that answer. Maybe that's why I believe in a higher power. Maybe not for hope or salvation but for an answer. Something besides the empty blackness that even our own minds won't dwell in. I think an answer would balance that equation and give me something. Hell, I'm not sure but it could be nothing.
I once was scared of the lightning and the thunder. All wrapped up in sheets on summer nights, afraid of that the world would implode upon itself and somehow I'd still have to go to school.
I brushed all that aside and got on with life, without that person that made things make sense. I drowned in my failures and frolicked in my successes and time ran right alongside me, chasing the sun, moon and stars.
And after all the above, I'm still back to that same problem. Instead I fold my arms, stare out into nothing and try to solve for X.